Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
