you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
