Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
