I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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