Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
