i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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