fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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