So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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