Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
