Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
whose ass print is on the piano?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
