More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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