just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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