How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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