I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
