Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
