Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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