There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think i got beer on your cat.
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