You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
