i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize