If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I have fence marks all over my body
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
