I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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