i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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