I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
