fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
