were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
