she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
