Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
