I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
