It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
