i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
