I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
