And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
