he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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