sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I did not marry a roomba.
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