At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
