Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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