so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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