So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
