they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
