turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
