what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
