Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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