wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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