i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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