I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
