the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He passed out mid-signature
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
