Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize