oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
