grandma shit on top of the toilet
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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