dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
