I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
