she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
How does one acquire holy water?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
