do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
