I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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