Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
