Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
