i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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