I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
