R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
now i know why i became what i already was.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
