did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize