i just had sex bonerless
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
