I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
