Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
