you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
