after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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