"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
