Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
