It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
