WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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