Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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